Smart Kid

एक बच्चा पैदा होते ही नर्स से पूछता है : मोबाइल है क्या?
नर्स : अभी तुम्हें मोबाइल की क्या जरूरत है?
बच्चा : एक मिस्ड कॉल करना है ऊपर वाले के पास कि मैं सही सलामत पहुंच गया।

पहली बार है!

पहली बार है!
एक दंपत्ति ने जब अपनी शादी की 25 वीं वर्षगांठ मनाई तो एक स्थानीय समाचारपत्र का संवाददाता उनका साक्षात्कार लेने उनके घर जा पहुंचा। दरअसल वे दंपत्ति अपने शांतिपूर्ण और सुखमय विवाहित जीवन के लिये पूरे कस्बे में प्रसिध्द हो चुके थे। उनके बीच कभी कोई तकरार नाम मात्र के लिये भी नहीं हुई । संवाददाता उनके सुखी जीवन का राज जानने के लिये उत्सुक था।
पति ने बताया - हमारी शादी के फौरन बाद हमलोग हनीमून मनाने के लिये शिमला गये हुये थे। वहां हम लोगों ने घुड़सवारी की। मेरा घोड़ा तो ठीक था पर जिस घोड़े पर मेरी पत्नी सवार थी वह जरा सा नखरैल था। उसने दौड़ते दौड़ते अचानक मेरी पत्नी को नीचे गिरा दिया।
पत्नी ने घोड़े की पीठ पर हाथ फेरते हुये कहा - यह पहली बार है । और फिर उसी घोड़े पर सवार हो गई। थोड़ी दूर चलने के बाद घोड़े ने फिर उसे नीचे गिरा दिया।
पत्नी ने अबकी बार कहा - यह दूसरी बार है। और फिर उसी घोड़े पर सवार हो गई ।
तीसरी बार जब घोड़े ने उसे नीचे गिराया तो मेरी पत्नी ने घोड़े से कुछ नहीं कहा, बस अपने पर्स से पिस्तौल निकाली और घोड़े को गोली मार दी।
मैं अपनी पत्नी पर चिल्लाया - ''ये तुमने क्या किया ! तुमने एक बेजुबान जानवर को मार दिया......! क्या तुम पागल हो गई हो ?''
पत्नी ने मेरी तरफ देखा और कहा - ''ये पहली बार है!''

और बस, तभी से हमारी जिंदगी सुख और शान्ति से चल रही है।

Bhajji in news again

Please vote for bhajji baba....

Mayawati virus

Mayawati Virus:

Whatever way, it will try to grab resources of the system, it's only task is to abort BJP processes. this virus hangs the system by sending conflicting signals to different hardware units.

Mayawati and kashi virus

Kashi-Maya Virus:
It's also called the Dalit virus, it destabilizes the co-ordination amongst different resources, It controls & steps the low priority resources from functioning. Lot of scanners available now to kill it. Other viruses are thriving by splitting this virus.

Laloo and Maya

Politician

The following is the list of some new viruses going round in India. Better beware of them.

P.V. Narasimha Rao Virus:
First of all, this virus reduces the CPU speed to 66Hz. Before
executing any instruction, it deleberates over it a number of times
and finally does nothing.

Betting Blues

Gopi saw that his friend Ramu was very depressed.
'What happened?' asked Gopi.
'Yaar, I lost Rs 800 in a bet yesterday.'
'How come?'
'Well, yesterday, the one day match between India and England was being shown live on TV I bet Rs 500 that India would win, but I lost the bet.'
'But that's only Rs 500, where did the rest go?'
'Yaar, I bet on the highlights too!'

Chandigarh or Jalandhar.

Santa was flying to Chandigarh from Pune. He was allotted a middle seat but decided to take the window seat instead, which had been allotted to an old lady.
The lady requested Santa to exchange the seats and let her sit on the seat allotted to her. He refused, saying, 'I want to see the view from the window.' The old lady complained to the air hostess who requested Santa to sit on his allotted middle seat. Santa was adamant and bluntly refused.
The air hostess went up to the co-pilot. He too came and requested Santa, but in vain.
Finally, the captain of the aircraft came. He whispered something in Santa's ears. Santa immediately vacated the window seat and took the middle seat.
Astonished, the air hostess and the co-pilot asked the captain what he had said to Santa. The captain replied: 'Nothing, I just told him that only the middle seats will go to Chandigarh. All others were going to Jalandhar '

Patient To Doctor.

Patient to eye doctor: " I'm very worried about the outcome of this operation,doctor.
What are the chances?
"Eye doctor to patient: " Don't worry you won't be able to see the difference.

Beast of burden.

A Haryanvi peasant was walking down the road carrying a heavy sack of grain on his head. A kindly sardar farmer drawing his bullock cart offered him a lift. The Haryanvi gratefully accepted the offer and sat down in the cart but kept the sack on his head. ‘Chaudhury, why don’t you put the sack down in the gadda?’‘Sardarji’, replied the Haryanvi, ‘your cart is already heavily loaded. I don’t want to put more burden on your poor bullock’.

Pandit request to God...

Pandit: Bhagwan, agar tum muje 100 rupe do, to 50 rupe main mandir me dunga.
Thodi dur ja k Pandit ko 50 rupye mil gaye.
Pandit: Wah Bhagwan, itna bhi bharosa nahi, apne paise pehle hi kat liye...

Doctor Santa

Santa Singh MBBS

After finishing his MBBS, Dr. Santa Singh starts his Own practice.

He checked his first patient’s Eyes, then the tongue, and finally the Ears using a torch.

Finally he said Battery is Ok !!!

Banta wife painting wall.

A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a Sardarni painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.

Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.

She showed him the instructions on the tin, “For Best Results put on Two Coats”

Side effects

Santa asked banta :

Why did you cut the sides of the capsule before taking it?

Banta replied.

To avoid side effects!!!

Santa kiss.

Santa saw a beautiful girl… He went and kissed her….
Girl said- “What R U doing…?”
Santa replied- ” B.COM from Kh college, London

Banta with phone..

Banta: For the past one week a girl is disturbing Me.
I don’t know how she got my no, she interrupts whenever
I call someone and says “please recharge your card”

Simpu in park

Santa in front of mirror

Santa was standing in front of the mirror with his eyes closed.
His wife asked what you are doing.
He said-I am seeing how I look while sleeping.

Santa in China....

Santa visits Chinese friend dying in hospital.
The Chinese friend just says “CHIN YU YAN” and dies.
Santa goes to China to find the meaning of his friend’s last Words.
And finds It means “U R STANDNG ON the OXYGEN TUBE!”

Misunderstanding....

The homeowner was delighted with the way Santa had done all the paintwork on his house.

"You did a great job," he said as he handed Santa his fees. "Also, in order to thank-you, here's an extra 500 bucks to take the wife out to dinner and a movie."

Santa declined, saying, "No, I can't accept that."

"I insist," said the man. "It would make me very happy if you do it."

"Well," said Santa reluctantly, but with appreciation, "If you really don't mind it, I'll do it."
Later that night, the doorbell rang and it was Santa, standing there in clean clothes, holding a bouquet of flowers.
Thinking that Santa had forgotten something he asked, "What's the matter, did you leave something behind?"
"Nope," replied Santa. "I'm just here to take the wife out to dinner and a movie like you asked."

Morning walk...

Banta in Court....

Lawyer to Banta: “Gita pe haath rakhkar kaho ke…… “
Banta :”Yeh kya, sita pe haath lagaya to court mein Bulaya. Ab fir gita pe haath!!”

Banta and Postman.

Postman: - “I have traveled five miles to deliver this packet to you.”
Banta: - “why did you come so far? Instead you could have sent it by post….”

Santa and ATM..

Leave your comment please....

Santa Divorce Case....

A Sardar and his wife filed an application for divorce three years after marriage.

Judge: “How’ll you divide your kids, you have three children?”

Sardar: “Oh, I see! We’ll apply NEXT YEAR, then!”

Santa Replied....

Man: “Sardarji where were you born?”
Sardarji: “Punjab”.
Man: “Which part?”
Sardar: “Oye part part kya kar raha hai, whole body is born in Punjab, Yaar”.

Carrer Planning

Banto took her son Ghanta to the headmaster and said, 'Masterjee, my Ghanta thinks about a lot of things but when it comes to work, he does nothing. What should we do for his career?'
The headmaster replied, 'Get him to apply for a job in the Planning Commission.'

Santa and Banta Again....

Santa and Banta went fishing. They caught a lot of fish and returned to the shore.
Santa: T hope you remember the spot where we caught all these fish,'
Banta: 'Yes, I marked X on the side of the boat to mark the spot.'
Santa: 'You idiot! How do we know we will get the same boat tomorrow?'

Hard To Please

When Balwant Kaur disapproved the girl her son wanted to marry, a friend told the young man, 'You must find a girl who is like your mother.'
Several months later, the young man told his friend, T finally found a girl who looks, talks, and acts just like my mother.'
'Congratulations!' said his friend.
'Not yet', said the young man and added, 'this time my father objected!'

Alive or Dead

Banta and Ram Lai were working on a roof, when Banta slipped and fell to the ground. Ram Lai leaned over and called out: 'You dead or alive, Banta?'
'Alive,' moaned Banta.
'You're a liar. I don't know whether to believe you or not,' said Ram Lai.
'Then I must be dead,' said Banta, 'because you wouldn't dare call me a liar if I were alive.'

Tongue Of Slip.

An Akali leader was fulminating against the Congress. Addressing a crowded university meeting, he thundered, 'The Congress wallahs are all waters of the first rogue.'
The audience burst into laughter over his lapse of tongue. The Akali leader realised he had made a mistake. He joined the palms of his hands to ask for pardon, T am very sorry, it is a tongue of slip.'
This time the laughter was louder than before. The gentleman that he was, the Akali leader was genuinely contrite, 'You must pardon me. I am always limiting the cross.'

Speaker Vs MP

I wo dogs were discussing their masters.
The first said, 'My master is the speaker of the House, when I start barking, he cannot stand it and keeps saying, "please, please, please ..." to stop me from barking.'
The other, belonging to an MP, said, 'At least your master is polite. Mine is a most devious man. After abusing everyone in the house he has the audacity to put a signboard on his gate, "Beware of the dog"

Grandfather or Grandmother?

Ujaagar's eldest daughter had been taken to the delivery room in a hospital and he was anxiously waiting outside, when he heard the crying of a newborn babe. A few minutes later a nurse came out of the delivery room.
Ujaagar rushed up to her and enquired, 'Sister, am I a grandfather or a grandmother?'

Smart Move

Rakesh: 'Broken off your engagement to Meena?'
Mahesh: 'She would not have me.'
Rakesh: 'You should have told her about your rich uncle in Bombay.'
Mahesh: T did. She is my aunt now.'

Catch Them ...!

An Englishman, an American, and a Sardarji were called upon to test a lie detector.

The Englishman said, T think I can empty 20 bottles of beer.'
BUZZZZZ went the lie detector.

'OK,' he said, '10 bottles.' And the machine was silent. , .
The American said, 'I think I can eat 15 hamburgers.'

BUZZZZZ went the lie detector.

'Alright, 8 hamburgers.' And the machine was silent.

The Sardarji said, ‘I think ...'

BUZZZZZ went the machine!

New Invention

Santa said to Santa, T have invented a new kind of computer which behaves like a human being.'
'In what way?' asked Santa.
'Whenever it makes a mistake,' replied Banta, 'it blames other computers.'

What a cheap ...!

Banta went to a cheap restaurant to have dinner. He ran into his friend Ram Lai who was working there as a waiter.
'Ram Lai, aren't you ashamed of working in this third-class restaurant?' he asked.
T may work in a third-class restaurant,' replied Ram Lai, 'but I don't eat in one like you.'

Riddle

Santa and Banta met on a village road. Santa was carrying a large gunny bag over his shoulder.
'Oye, Santa,' hailed Banta, 'what is in the bag?'
'Murgiyan — Chickens,' came the reply.
'If I guess how many, can I have one?' asked Banta
'You can have both of them.'
'OK,' said Banta, 'five.'

Bright Idea

Just married, Sukhwant had bad news for her husband when he returned home from his day's work. 'I feel so sorry,' Sukhwant said with a sob, 'I was pressing your best suit and burnt a hole in the seat of the trousers.'
'Don't worry, darling,' said the husband amorously, 'I have another pair of trousers to match that suit.'
'Yes, I know,' Sukhwant replied. 'You're lucky that you have. Thanks to that, I was able to patch up the hole!'